The Year in Stories - Life as a Wanderer Part II

......Continued from previous post.

On the Road

As I prepared for the vision quest, I packed Baby Blue to the hilt and hit the road. I took a couple of days to drive to California, camping at the Valley of Fire. I have learned to love camping by myself. Wandering the land, making salmon and rice on my little back packing stove, building a fire (which I have yet to master).

Once I arrived in San Diego, I was blessed to be able to take a week or so to nurture my Self at the ocean and in a beautiful home, preparing emotionally and spirtually for the Vision Quest. As I drove towards Anza Borrego, which is an incredibly beautiful drive through mountains and desert, I felt strong, confident, and knowing that this journey I was about to embark on was meant for me. Driving this same road back to the city thirteen days later somehow took hours longer. I felt a strength and knowing that I had never felt before and at the same time I was overwhelmed by traffic and fuel centers and could not help but stared at that silly game that you feed money and attempt to grab a stuffed animal with an impossible claw. How do I show up in this crazy world?!

I spent some more time in San Diego before hitting the road. I don't remember much of this time, coming out of the Vision Quest was like waking from a profound dream. Somewhat foggy and somehow changed. I remember going to see The Cave Singers perform at the Casbah. It was an incredible show and although I went by myself I felt connected to the music, the movement, and the people around me. It's difficult to put into words but my way of being with Other's had shifted. I've always been sensitive but I was very aware of the energy around me. Another memory that comes up from that time is going out for taco tuesday in Ocean Beach with a friend of mine from the vision quest who was also spending time in San Diego with her younger brother. I remember being in this crazy crowded bar full of young people, much cooler than myself, waiting for our tacos. Suddenly had a really strong urge to pull my journal out of my bag and start writing. (Journaling was a huge part of the VQ, I had it with me constantly and filled pages and pages.) I fought the urge, and instead gawked in amazement at the scene around me.

I left California for Utah sometime around the end of March. I took a different route that I normally do, up through Arizona for a change in scenery. I took my time. I really do love being on the road. Camping added a lot to the experience. It was so simple. Only a couple changes of clothes, few options of what to eat. After spending thirteen days camping in Anza Borrego, I had a system down. I spent time on the land, camping in Oak Creek Canyon above Sedona, tending the fire and reading Siddartha, wandering around confused by city in Flagstaff until I finally settled in at a kitchy little coffee shop to catch up on email. As I drove I talked to myself, and I talked to Audrey, the same friend from the VQ I hung out with in San Diego. I pulled over at my favorite rest stop/overlook in Northern Arizona to talk with her about how our reintigration into the "real world" was going. I did not have much contact with my people in Utah during this time. I was not sure what to say about what I had been through. Looking back on it now, I was afraid of rejection. I had left as X and was coming back as Y, I did not know what Other's role in my life would be. It scared me.

I'll never forget camping at Navajo National Monument. There was nothing extremely signifgant about it but it was one of the best nights of my life. It was about fifteen miles from the highway and I was literally the only person in the entire park. The season had not yet begun, not even a park ranger was there. It was absolutely beautiful and cold and a little intimidating to be there alone. As the sun went down and the tempature dropped, I did not feel a lone. I felt connected. Connected to the Earth, to the animals around me that I could hear but not see. I felt a part of the beauty that surrounded me.

I was headed to Moab, Utah to run a half marathon. Again, driving into Moab I was overcome with emotion. If you've never been, Moab and surrounding area is one of the most mysterious, magical deserts I've ever been to, and I would imagine in the world. Although I've spent a lot of time there, the time I spent in Moab this past spring was different. I spent over a week there and really fell in love with the area allthough I'd been there many times before. Being in a different place spiritually really opened my eyes to the land. After the race, I moved slowy and really took in my surroundings. I explored areas I've never been before, both in the desert and in my heart. I watched the weather, touched the sandstone, listened to the river. I saw my Self in another's eyes. I was entirely present and time fell away. It didn't matter. I could have stayed and I wanted to and I asked. The answer I got was not now.

Stay tuned for Part III