no intervals

I've been avoiding the blog. This is my first entry all month. I've written emails to good friends, I've written a lot in my journal, I'm writing poetry. For some reason, okay a lot of reasons, when it comes to this thing, I've had writers block.

So here's a taste of what I've been thinking about....A Lot! Life experiences fall into two categories. Learning and fun. If you're lucky, you'll have some fun learning experiences. Sometimes I feel like I could use some more fun. The work, it's right there and that's what I've asked for. Family, relationships, love, sex, body, nature. It's there, all of my stuff and it comes in shades of black and white. And it's heavy. It's the stuff I've been avoiding but can hardly bare the weight of anymore. "So you think you're authentic?" The universe is challenging me. "See how this fits!" But isn't that all of us? Here we are trying our best, doing the work. Some of the stories are old. None of them matter unless I write them. I've got to start showing up. As Adrienne Rich remindes us in her poem Prespective Immigrants Please Note, "The door itself makes no promises. It is only a door."

Until I got here I was looking at this summer as an interval. Something to fill up the days and the bank account between the present and my next venture. This time is so much more than that. The work I'm doing now is more important than I may ever grasp. There are no intervals. There is only now.

I love reading my horoscope in City Weekly, Salt Lake City's free newspaper. Here is part of my horoscope for this week. I've been carrying around in my wallet.

""Dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions", said seer Edgar Cayce. That's your thought for the week, Taurus. Not just in dreams, but in your waking life as well, you will be experiencing insights, hearing stories and getting messages that provide useful information for the crucial questions you have not yet framed, let alone posed."


Prospective Immigrants Please Note

Either you will
go through this door
or you will not go through.


If you go through
there is always the risk
of remembering your name.


Things look at you doubly
and you must look back
and let them happen.


If you do not go through
it is possible
to live worthily


to maintain your attitudes
to hold your position
to die bravely


but much will blind you,
much will evade you,
at what cost who knows?


The door itself
makes no promises.
It is only a door.

~Adrienne Rich