Shaking things Up
Approximately a year ago I left my job of ten years not knowing or much caring what was next but knowing that I was unfulfilled and longing for...what? I had some savings, paid out vacation and a cleaning job at which I made a few hundred dollars a month. I sold most of my furniture, had a yard sale and donated much of what was left. (Two of my friends currently have some of my things in their houses and my clothes in their closets from that time.)
With a flood of emotion I moved out of the only apartment I ever really called home. I had carefully chosen the paint and the decor. One could walk in and instantly have an idea of who I was. I loved being there alone with Sage or throwing parties with friends from different backgrounds that might not normally come together if they were not bound by me. When I walked in for the last time, this place that I loved and lived was empty except for my beloved dog and bike, and I completely broke down. My beautiful neighbor helped me smudge the place and overcome with grief, I walked away from all that I had worked for.
With a flood of emotion I moved out of the only apartment I ever really called home. I had carefully chosen the paint and the decor. One could walk in and instantly have an idea of who I was. I loved being there alone with Sage or throwing parties with friends from different backgrounds that might not normally come together if they were not bound by me. When I walked in for the last time, this place that I loved and lived was empty except for my beloved dog and bike, and I completely broke down. My beautiful neighbor helped me smudge the place and overcome with grief, I walked away from all that I had worked for.
Going Inward
The next several months were a time of great reflextion and beginning to really look at my Self in a way that I had previously been afraid to. It was a time of severance. Letting go of old beliefs about that did not service my Soul. Getting to know my Self without the label "depression" over my head. Welcoming my "loyal soldiers" home, thanking them for protecting me and giving them new orders. I read books, wrote pages and pages in my journal, and dove into my work with my spiritual mentor, Nancy. I began to see an incredible Naturopath, Dr. Babbie Lester and she helped me get off of anti-depressants with acupuncture, a strict diet and some NLP work. I mostly lived with my brother and every other weekend and once during the week I stayed with my friends the MacGregor's. Our friendship flourished as well as other relationships such as that with my mother and a friendship with someone I had dated and fallen in love with the previous year. Surprisingly, there were other friendships that began dissapate. This was very difficult for me. I had never had such a large network of friends as I had that year and it was with their support that I found the strength to make some of the decisions I had made. How could some of them not understand what I was doing? Not only that but be scared of me and my path? But I had to accept that at that time, I didn't have anything to learn from these people and they had nothing to receive from me. I did not have a job but I was doing the most important work of my life.
Vision Quest
My life was going in a new direction and all of this was great but what was I going to do with it? What was my purpose? As I was crying out for direction to a woman that has played an integral role in my journey mentioned Vision Quest and directed me to go out and get the book "Soulcraft" by Bill Plotkin, and to start reading it now. I did and wow did it speak to me. As I read about the art of being lost and searching for your one unique gift and finding that gift through nature I fell in love with this book and new that I would do my Vision Quest with Animas Valley Institute.
My particular Vision Quest took place in the Anza Borrego desert of California. This was a sacred, profound time in a sacred place full of sharing, more severance, ceremony, cultivating my relationship with the Earth, and knowing. I spent 12 days in the desert with fourteen beautiful people that I was blessed to get to know in a very profound way. Four of those days consisted of a fast and solo out on the land. It was amazing to see how all the work that I had done, without knowing, was in preparation for the Vision Quest. Not just any Vision Quest, but this particular Vision Quest, with these particular people in that particular time and on that particular land. You've witness bits and pits of it here and I myself only understand glimpes of it now but I believe over time I will begin to understand it more. I have also noticed recently that I as I step further into my authentic self, I feel inspired to share more about my Vision Quest. If you ever have questions, feel free to ask.
To be continued.........
Vision Quest
My life was going in a new direction and all of this was great but what was I going to do with it? What was my purpose? As I was crying out for direction to a woman that has played an integral role in my journey mentioned Vision Quest and directed me to go out and get the book "Soulcraft" by Bill Plotkin, and to start reading it now. I did and wow did it speak to me. As I read about the art of being lost and searching for your one unique gift and finding that gift through nature I fell in love with this book and new that I would do my Vision Quest with Animas Valley Institute.
My particular Vision Quest took place in the Anza Borrego desert of California. This was a sacred, profound time in a sacred place full of sharing, more severance, ceremony, cultivating my relationship with the Earth, and knowing. I spent 12 days in the desert with fourteen beautiful people that I was blessed to get to know in a very profound way. Four of those days consisted of a fast and solo out on the land. It was amazing to see how all the work that I had done, without knowing, was in preparation for the Vision Quest. Not just any Vision Quest, but this particular Vision Quest, with these particular people in that particular time and on that particular land. You've witness bits and pits of it here and I myself only understand glimpes of it now but I believe over time I will begin to understand it more. I have also noticed recently that I as I step further into my authentic self, I feel inspired to share more about my Vision Quest. If you ever have questions, feel free to ask.
To be continued.........
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