Vision Quest and Community

As I come upon the one year anniversary of my time in Anza Borrego, my thoughts have been on the Vision Quest. As we hiked out of our base camp on one of the last days, our beloved guides invited us to ask ourselves or another these questions: What happened? Who went out (on the Vision Quest)? Who came back? A friend and I were marveling last night at how we were still asking ourselves these same questions. We laughed, "What the hell did happen?" Both agreeing that the Vision Quest was the best time in our lives, for me, the most profoundly beautiful, sacred and mysterious experiences I've ever had.

There are so many stories for me around this experience, before and after, and I'm sure yet to come. It is interesting to look back at this time, during the actual Vision Quest and notice what stands out for me.  As I've mentioned previously, this was a very personal and sacred experience for me. There are parts of this experience that I have shared with very few people,if anyone at all, and I will not share those most sacred experiences here, but I do feel inclined to share more.

The Humans

A big part of this quest, for all of us in different ways, was our experience with each other (the other questers and guides). There were fifteen of us total, twelve questers, two guides and one apprentice who acted both as a participant and as a guide in training. I knew the group work leading up to the solo would be an important part of this journey but I am still amazed at the profound ways this proved to be true. I was surprised at how I was able to immediately open up to these strangers, when it is sometimes difficult for me to be authentic with people who have been in my life for years. Of course it was intimidating that first night as we gathered for dinner, but as I walked up to the 'dining area' one of the questors approached me saying my name and giving me a huge hug. Although we had only met hours ago, I had the sensation of connecting with an old friend.

We sat in 'council' everyday. I love this concept. Essentially, we all sat in a circle and shared as we received the talking staff. The only rules were to speak spontaneously and from the heart, and also to listen from the heart. We shared our fears, dreams we had during the quest, or anything that was present for us. In this, each one of us experienced what the Other was sharing. I was struck by the fact that we were all such mirrors for each other. Others would share dreams that affected me in a profound way, or even the collective. The energy in those circles was so powerful, it's difficult to find the words for it.

I don't think I've ever felt so held by a group of people and I realized how much I'd been longing for community. One of the first nights we were invited to share our life story with a partner that was randomly selected for us. We were to tell our stories in the third person, with few interruptions for an hour an a half or so. The apprentice and I shared a wildlife encounter with Owl, one of my consistent spirit guides. We weren't afraid of touch. Hugs, hand holding, kissing. Those boundaries we've set in this society regarding touch did not exist. Not in an inappropriate way at all, but going back to being held, emotionally and physically.

The group aspect was not all happy and lovey though. Working through such intense emotional shifts, there was bound to be some projecting going on. Seeing in others what you either long for or despise in your Self is never easy. There was one lucky quester that, whether he knew it or not, got to play the role of all the romantic interests in my life, poor guy. Of course the situation of wanting someone I couldn't be with for logistical reasons came up, why would it not? I knew I was projecting because my feelings for this person were completely irrational, from entirely in love to so disgusted, I couldn't even look at him. There were others who had a really hard time feeling a part of the group or had problems with a particular person because of their own 'stuff'.

The most meaningful part of the group aspect for me, was simply being witnessed and witnessing others. Witnessed as I worked through what came up, as I danced, as I laughed, cried, sang, screamed and as I said 'yes' to this incredible journey. After we returned from our solos, we were invited to share our experience in ten minutes (impossible!) as our guides introduced us, in a random order. I was so blessed to be present as each person shared "what happened" for them during their time alone in the dessert. I was the last to share. It was after dark and it had been a long day. As I spoke into the darkness, although they were tired, I felt each person listening intently as I shared what was in my heart, and knew, I was forever changed.

I started to call the next section of this blog, 'the work' but as I began to type it seemed to do my time in the desert an injustice, make it smaller. For now, I'm going to leave it at this. I'm revisiting the Vision Quest in my heart, I may revisit it here down the line. Watch for more to come. 


For more information regarding Animas Valley Institute, who I chose to do my quest with, visit www.animas.org.