On Romance

Someone recently said to me, "The world doesn't need another relationship that's been done before." This is good news, cause I'm no good at those relationships. But seriously, this really resonated with me. I have been so blessed in love in my life. Years ago, when I married a man I was not in love with, I was terrified that I would never be in love again. It's almost humorous to think of those fears now. I met with a friend of mine the other day and she said "So, anyone fallen in love with you lately?" Hah, very funny.

A constant theme for me in the past nine months has been walking away from romantic relationships and prospective partners in order to turn towards some other work or part of my journey as it comes up. It came to me the other day that in this, I am cultivating my relationship with longing, and in longing for an Other I am learning more about longing for Mystery and for Soul, for Divine. I know that as I am growing an learning and my heart is aligning there may be someone standing before me in the same space and time and.....and what? Probably not a relationship in a traditional sense, who am I kidding, but I would love to have someone to explore a different kind of relationship. One based on energy and feeling and exploration of Soul. .

I was at the mall the (which has turned into one of my absolute LEAST favorite places to be) and I saw a guy that I had an affair with years ago on an adventure in the desert. It was a beautiful experience, although brief, we had an incredible connection, talking and laughing, maybe even crying and being our young, raw, vulnerable selves. It was beautiful and it did not last, nor did I expect it to. But I did not forget the time we spent together. So I saw this person, walking with his partner and their baby and he had this incredibly serene look on his face. He was happy, content and this made me happy. I was not longing for the life he had or the life I did not have with him. I felt content to have shared a few moments with an incredible human being an see my Self through his eyes.

I guess it ultimately goes back to  showing up for these moments although there may be heartache and loss but a greater chance of an opening, a lasting friendship, or if I'm lucky, a poem.

The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lover's don't finally meet somewhere
They're in each other all along

~Rumi